The Stripper Hates You

Saturday, July 14, 2007

The strip club is not a dating service. Seems like common sense, yes?

In the past couple weeks I've been getting asked on dates more than I've been getting asked for dances.

The most infuriating thing is these guys just won't take no for an answer.

I try to be easy on them. I tell them I'm too busy with school, or I have to work, or I have to go take care of my sick dog, or I have to babysit, or I have to stay in and wash my hair. Never works.

Sometimes I tell them I'm a lesbian. Sorry dude, dick just doesn't do it for me. Sometimes, that excuse isn't good enough for them. This was an exchange I had with a customer a few days ago.

Him: I'd love to take you out tomorrow night.
Me: I can't - I have play practice.
Him: Oh come on, you can make time for me. Please?
Me: Not really. I'm gay. As in, not interested in guys.
Him: So? Lesbians just strap on dicks anyway, right?
Me: ....

I've been toying with a more cutting response to "can we go out". Lately, I go straight for the insult. A direct jab at their ego works perfectly every time. I'm a genius, I swear. These also feel very rewarding.

Him: Can I get your number?
Me: No, I'm too busy for new friends.
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: You're fat and old. Sorry.

Him: I'd love to get you out of this bar. Want to have a drink somewhere else?
Me: You're bald.

Him: I'm gonna take you out, girl.
Me: No you're not. Do you have a son?

Sometimes a customer will get an hour's worth of dances from ($300+), spend the entire hour trying to paw my body (gross gross gross), then assume I'd be interested in seeing him again.

I feel so bad for these guys. They're just so...hopeless. I'm not sure what convinces them that they have a chance with a good-looking, intelligent, inappropriately aged woman. Especially when they're in the kind of place where people profit from said hopelessness.

I know the guys that ask me out have the best intentions. Ironic, once they ask me out my feelings for them change from quiet contempt to utter disgust. Asking a stripper out is purely pathetic.

posted by Josephine H. at 8:38 PM -

6 Comments:

At 15.7.07, Chelsea said…

nice. I'm from Detroit...!
At 19.7.07, Vanessa said…

I just choked on my Pepsi Max at "you're bald". Other than that, I have nothing to add, as you summed up the utter cluelessness perfectly...
At 1.8.07, Bad Bad Girl said…

Great post. That is sad when "I'm a lesbian" is not enough to get these guys to back down....
At 7.10.07, Serizy said…

Yup, I'm an erotic masseuse and I get asked out all the time, too. It really does make you despair about men. If I was a 60-year-old saggy woman, and I'd just had a hot twenty-something boy get me off, I just can't imagine that I'd be stupid enough to think he actually liked me, and would want to spend more time with me.

Just what the hell is wrong with these men?!
At 16.10.07, Jamie said…

The problem with these men is that there ARE girls who will go out with customers. In fact, I know a girl who married one.
At 3.12.07, Smalls said…

Feel sorry for the women they date, who don't realize their boyfriends/husbands have no ability to read true attraction.